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Relax, Recharge, Repost #2: Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones But Names Can Break My Heart!
Week #2 of taking a blogging break in August. For a few weeks, I’ll be Relaxing, Recharging and Re-posting some of what my stats say are YOUR favorite reads.
Here’s one from January 2011….
Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones But Names…. Can Break My Heart!
“You know Mom, he’s lucky I didn’t SQUASH him like a bug!”
That’s what my 9-year-old daughter came home saying the other day after spending an afternoon at a birthday party. The “he” who is lucky “she”, didn’t, squash him like a bug, is a 10-year old classmate who was also at the party. “He” is her pal, her chum, her friend. He is her partner at school when pairing needs to be done. He is also the boy who tried to hold her hand when the lights went out in a Star Lab dome, but that’s not why she wants to pummel him.
There are some things you never forget: getting an award, your first sleep-over, punching a fella in the mouth for asking you to marry him (in first grade!), the soft, warm lips of a shy boy’s sweet and gentle kiss during a game of spin-the-bottle and of course, the first time someone embarrasses you in front of a group of friends by calling you a name. For me, it was buoy. And in 4th grade, I didn’t have a clue. So in a naive and unsuspecting way, I asked the boy who had just referred to me as a “buoy”, what that was.
You know, he said, it’s that round thing that bounces up and down, bobbing in the water. A buoy!
That was followed by what seemed to me, to be a roar of group laughter.
Painful. I forced a smile and walked away. I’m sure I could have flattened him but my heart had sunk to my knees and I was too hurt to react. I never forgot that feeling.
Like her mom, my girl is made of hardy stock. She is strong, confident and independent. She’s out-going and adventurous. She loves to laugh. Also like her mom however, she happens to be very sensitive.
He called me fat in front of all my friends at the party, she said. He embarrassed me. We were laughing about who would make the best Pińata and he said, ‘Hannah would, cause she’s fat!’
My heart immediately sank to that familiar place by my knees only this time, it broke.
He’s lucky I didn’t squash him like a bug! And you know I could, were the next words out of her mouth.
She’s right. She could.
Well then, I said, maybe next time, you should.
Okay, maybe that was wrong.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names…..
Honestly, I would have preferred if he threw the stone. That wound heals faster.
We spent a long time that evening discussing potential reasons why her friend might have said that about her. Insecurity. Bravado. Maybe he was trying to look cool in front of the other boys. Perhaps he didn’t mean it and it was just a poor choice of words. Most likely, he like, likes her. No matter how much we dissected it though, the result was always the same. She could get past the word. She knows she’s bigger and taller than the other kids in her class. She accepts that her body is changing and maturing faster than theirs.
It was the betrayal she had a hard time reconciling with. He’s her friend.
It was after midnight when she came into my bedroom and crawled into bed with me that night. She snuggled up close and whispered,
Mommy, why did he do that? I thought he was my friend?
Cue the breaking heart again. She slept with me for the first time in years. And it was a big wake-up call to me as a parent and an adult, just how omnipotent words can be. Life is hard enough without us hurting each other with the things we say. And I’m reminded of how critical it is for me to set the example, practice kindness, show compassion and be forgiving.
Words may not be able to break a bone but they sure can break a heart.
The flip-side of that however, is to know that words also have the great power to fill a heart! So in the end, my advice to Hannah was to have, an open heart.
We are after all, only human. We all make mistakes and good friendships are worth keeping. So, when the boy came to school the next day and said,
Hey, I was only kidding. I didn’t mean it that way. I can’t believe you thought I was serious!
That was all she needed to hear to buddy-up again and put it behind her.
Besides, she told him that if he EVER does that to her again, she is going to “SQUASH him– like a bug!”
Photo credit: Squashed Bug, Broken Heart
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Yes, I Am A Dren!
If you have kids, you know, part of their job in life is to go out of their way to baffle, befuddle and bemuse you, any-way-they-can. I know this to be true because (although my kids find this extremely hard to believe) I was a kid once too.
As a parent, it’s our job to stay one-step-ahead of them at-all-times, or at least try to anyway.
For instance, at 11:30pm when I head down to my 13-year old son’s bedroom to make sure the lights are out and Skype-ing is over for the night and I find him lying in bed with eyelids closed but rapidly flickering, I know that although he wants me to believe he is sound asleep, he’s not. I also see that even though the lid to the laptop is down, it’s still on.
I cut him some summer-time, slack though and leave him be. At least the light’s out!
In their effort to confound and confuse parents, kids often make up words or sayings; some more easily deciphered than others.
Similar to Rerun’s popular “Hey, hey hey, what’s happening?” phrase from the 1970s TV show of the same name for example, my 11-year old daughter often asks,
What’s the hap, Mama? What’s the hap?
Sometimes they take advantage of my desire to keep my pulse on all-things-current and use pure unadulterated trickery for their own evil childhood pleasure, like when they told me that kids no longer say that something is “cool” anymore. My lovelies informed me that they were now saying:
That’s so throw-up!
A word of caution: Do not use this phrase in a school, especially if you work there. Little kids don’t understand and may think you are saying their artwork looks like throw-up. They may then start to cry. I’m just saying. It could happen.
If you’re hip like me, you are familiar with the Pound It exchange between two or more people. Pound It, as those of us who remain in-touch and one-step-ahead know, is the new high-five.
When my 11-year old daughter witnessed me “Pounding It” with another student at her school one day, she quickly pulled me to the side and in a hushed but urgent tone asked me what exactly it was that I was doing. When I responded, “Pounding It. Why?” She informed me that, that was so–last-year and lame. Kids she said, don’t just Pound It anymore, they LICK POUND IT!
Immediately before “Pounding It”, right after you make a fist, you are meant to lick your knuckles, then Pound It.
Gullible? Perhaps.
Three bewildered (and grossed out) kids later, I realized I’d been duped — again.
I love summer for a bagillion reasons but mostly because I get to spend more time with these fun-loving, crafty kids of mine. I also have more time to read, read, read! We’re just about mid-way into our months of recreation and relaxation and to date, I’ve completed the Stieg Larsson Girl With The Dragon Tattoo three-book series and am halfway through The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, all of which have been most satisfying page-turners. I don’t leave the house without my book as you never know when the opportunity to read may arise (like when your sitting in your car on a long line at the Dairy Queen drive -thru) and I often find myself running back into the house exclaiming…
Oh, I forgot my book!
To this my angels
equally offer their latest cryptic description of my character for me to decode.
Mom, you are such a DREN!
Indeed, I suspect I am.
Parents be informed — as I am.
D R E N spelled backwards = Me. And maybe you too.
Either way, it’s all good.
Tell me, are you one-step-ahead too?
Photo Credit #1-4 Google Images
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Simply Joyful
School’s out and summer’s on!
When I sat down Saturday afternoon to collect my thoughts and start writing, I realized after having been away all week, I hadn’t given the content of this week’s post much thought. Oddly enough, I wasn’t panicked either. It also occurred to me that even though there is still so much going on around me and so much to do, there is nothing pressing, nothing special, nothing terrible and nothing wrong, to write about.
It’s kind of nice when that happens. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, it really is kind of nice. Fishing for something would be foolish. I truly appreciate being able to step off of life’s roller coaster every once in a while, for a while. Recharge. Regroup. Rejoice!
In searching my heart for what was tugging, I kept falling back to thoughts of this past week and smiling to myself.
Nothing brings more joy to my heart than seeing children happy.
Helping the 2-yr old fill up the water tank on the rescue jeep. Get ready to get wet!
And having a rather playful heart myself, I’m keen to the sound of mischievous giggles. When the laughter has an 11-year span in childhood and includes kids ages 2 to 13, conspiring in harmony, even better! Catching the moment on camera? Well, priceless!
This week was simple. It was joyful. It was Simply Joyful.
What brings joy to your heart?
Photo Credit #1 The Gift of Joy
Photo Credit #2 & #3 ©2012 Karen Szczuka Teich & Takingtheworldonwithasmile.com
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Knit One Purl What?
When I was newly married, nearly 20-years ago, one day my husband came to me with a sock in his hand and a hopeful look on his face. The sock you see, had a hole in it. He gave it to me and like the good wife that I was, I smiled sweetly, gently took it from his hand and immediately tossed it into the trash.
Buy a new one. I said.
That pretty much sums up my abilities and attitude toward domestic craftiness. Crafty is not my forte. I keep a neat, clean house and even cook, occasionally. I love to celebrate, decorate (with pre-made, store bought items of course) and bake. BUT I do not darn.
I don’t sew. I don’t needle point. I don’t crotchet and I do not knit. That would require sitting patiently for an extended period of time. Not going to happen. I absolutely admire those who do, truly, I do, but -I– do not.
What astounds me, is that my eleven-year old daughter does! Knit that is. How can this be? It’s certainly not in the genes. And yet, it’s not just a passing phase either, like the finger-knitting was. That ended after about 100-feet of straight and narrow knitting (enough to wrap around a staircase banister about five times, like garland only it’s very thin, colorful and made of yarn) and about thirty finger-knitted neck warmers she and her friends made to sell at school. No, this is different. She’s using needles, has more than one set and even asked me to buy her a pair of bamboo ones. She’s completed a wrap, a scarf, a small blanket and has even knitted jewelry — a necklace and wrist band. She learned last fall and there’s no sign of her stopping; it’s a knitting-frenzy if you will. Dare I say, she’s got the knack-for-knitting. And she’s at it, every free minute she gets.
In the car, at school…
In the kitchen….
Even on the baseball field!
I’ve written before about her unique and trend setting abilities, how I want to be just like her when I grow up. How proud I am of her.
But this knitting thing kind of throws me for a loop. (Pun intended)
Truth be told, I couldn’t be happier.
Tell me, do your children have talents that surprise you?
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Wild Thing, She Makes My Heart Sing!
Talk about taking the world on with a smile…..
How about the 9-yr old who does it everyday and isn’t even trying? I’m talking about the same one whose first kiss was from a dolphin and who swims with sea lions. No inhibitions. Although she was born with a tooth in her mouth, her hair did not start growing until she was two and even then, it was only at a snail’s pace. People mistook her for a boy until she was four, even if she was wearing a pink dress. Her first haircut wasn’t until she was six. At nine she happily struts her stuff in her older brother’s hand-me-downs. She never wears matching socks and only has one ear pierced. If there is a revolt at school, she will be the leader, ever speaking her mind. She has a healthy disregard for authority. She once devised a plan for her and her peers to escape the school’s playground at the injustice of having a “made-up” game, banned. (Think Lord of the Flies.) They were going to take the city’s Loop Bus……. somewhere. I’m thankful she had no money.
This child actually smiles when she’s sleeping. No lie. And yes, she wakes up smiling too. Joyful. That’s the word that comes to mind. A blessing. She is a modern-day Pollyanna, not only drinking from the cup of kindness but always sharing it too. I’m often amazed at the wisdom that comes from such a youthful mind. I am equally humbled when she tells me everything is going to be alright and I believe her. She’s inspirational. I used to say, when I grow up I want to be just like her but now I say, whenever I’m ready to stop being so grown-up, I’d like to be just like her.
Sometimes you need only look in the room at the end of the hall for a reason to keep trying to take the world on with a smile.
Mayhem Makers
“Wild thing you make my heart sing. You make every thang…….. groovy!” The Troggs
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Striving to live life on life's terms while taking the world on with a smile.
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Taking The World On With A Smile! 